the other day one of my girls asked me what a tampon was.  i laughed and so she asked me if it was inappropriate.  i told her it wasn’t an inappropriate question, i just didn’t really want to answer it.  she told me it was okay that i didn’t answer because she read about it in a book anyway.  she said, “it’s something you put in your vageena.”  she said it just like that and when i laughed, she said, “or va-gina, or whatever.”  she said that last part of the word vagina like gina, the woman’s name.

it was funny, but more than that, it made me sad that all those kids were going to have to go through those awkward puberty years.  my sister jacie is going through them right now.  i always hope that it was just worse for me than it will be for them.

i remember most of my friends in junior high smoked newports, listened to eazy-e and wore basketball jerseys with sports bras underneath.  i knew i didn’t fit in with them, but at the time i thought they were fun and they were the only kids at my school that could stay out late on school nights with me.

they always had boyfriends, so i decided i should pretend to want one also.  they first time i kissed a boy, he had just eaten cool ranch doritos.  it was horrible.  i think i tell that story every time someone offers me cool ranch doritos, as if i need an excuse to not wanting any.

the second time i kissed a boy, i realized i was probably one of few people that knew what it was like to french kiss a cow.  his tongue couldn’t have been even close to the average size of a human being’s.  after i caught my breath, i said to myself, “fuck this forever.”  or something a long those lines.

i then became the third wheel to my friends and whatever boys they were dating at the time.  one night i was uptown elmhurst with my best friend at the time, and some boy that she met who told her that he stole his parents money and ran away from home.  i awkwardly followed them around until he finally offered me $20 if i would go find something else to do.  i’m pretty sure they went in some alley so he could feel her up, and i went to jewel and spent all the money he gave me on candy.  i sat by the fountain eating candy until she finally met back up with me so that my mom could come pick us up.  i remember feeling really young and out of place that night, but i just kept reminding myself that it could be worse, i could be my friend in that alley.