Birds of America

this is a part from a lorrie moore book that made me LOL on the train-

” ‘Don’t count on us?’ ” said Bill. “I don’t mean to sound skeptical, but as a political slogan, it seems, I don’t know, a little…” Lame. It lacked even the pouty energy and determination of “Hell no, we won’t go.” Perhaps some obscenity would have helped. “Don’t fucking count on us, motherfucker.” That would have been better. Certainly a better T-shirt.

aliens with braces

timeofmylife

here i am going wild at a birthday party.

i hope you like my blog.

hail seitan

kyle and i went to karyn’s restaurant on tuesday. it’s all vegan and awesome. kyle and i got wild, in addition to our main meal, we got appetizers and a bottle of wine. the waiter was really nice too, so nice and waiterly that i started to feel uncomfortable. he kept asking if we were okay or if we needed anything else, and the only thing that i could think of was that i needed him to tone down his creepy smiling. but i didn’t tell him that. my point is, if you love someone who is a vegan or vegetarian, take them there and jam a fake steak wrap down their throat.

here is a picture of karyn. she looks pretty good, considering i heard a rumor that she is 102 years old.

lastly, i added a couple new songs to my internet mixtape for you.

fire in the (pee)hole

all i did on saturday night was take a nap and then go to myopic to buy a book. i was happy that they had the book i wanted. i found it right away and then just looked around for a while longer out of boredom. i then headed back home at around midnight. the guy who i happened to sit across from on the train pretty much itched his crotch from the damen stop to the stop i get off on, addison. he had to have noticed that i could easily see him doing it the whole time. at first i just thought it was gross, and towards the end i still thought it was gross, but i also that it was a bit funny. it was seriously a hilariously ridiculous amount of crotch itching. i think someday i’m going to take experiences that either i have had or that someone i know has had and make a sign of what not to do while riding the L.

here is an example off the top of my head-

1. no masturbating.

2. if you must itch your genitals, at least try to keep it under 10 minutes at a time.

3. if a pregnant woman gets on the train, get up and offer her your seat. don’t suggest that she sits on your lap and then high five your friends.

etc…. i will then hang those signs up at the train stops.

anyways, harmo’s baby shower was today. it was nice. the baby will be out in june! she will be named harper. i think that is a cute name. but to keep my whole gross theme i had in the beginning of this post, moira told harmo that she wanted to make cheese out of her breast milk. it was funny, but moira sounded half serious. so just to be safe, from now on i will never eat cheese at a party thrown by moira.

lastly, i just found these online-

ugh, i don’t know what is happening to me, but those cowboy boot socks just broke my heart.  please, if you have a baby or know someone who does, put those things on that thing’s feet!!!!!

skyline backrest

my friend gabe made this chair for the school benefit that was last night.  the kids from the school helped paint it.  i’m going to have to tell him that i need one too.

new trend

the other day i was sitting outside with my friend gabe. a hipster boy happened to walk by, and gabe asked me this, completely serious, “what are those type of people called?…buggers?….gizmos??…”

he was thinking of the word “emo”.

i then asked him what is the word for a 70 year old man trapped in a younger man’s body.

since we work right by columbia, we have been laughing about that ever since he said it, referring to all the hip students as buggers or gizmos.

pat’s family threw holly and pat a shower on saturday.  i think jacie summed it up best when she was asked how the shower was on the phone by one of her friends, “it was fun.  pat’s dad grabbed my dad’s private parts.”