crate and barrel is for lovers

my sister holly’s bridal shower was on sunday. it was nice, but i’m jealous because when i fall in love i won’t be able to have a legal wedding, therefore making my friends and relatives not feel obligated to buy me blenders and platters and crock pots and things like that.

here is holly with dakota fanning and my cousin karen.

here is a picture of my sisters that aren’t getting married soon.  we were hanging out outside celebrating our last name without holly.

my aunt found some pictures of me and holly when we were little and brought them to the shower.  check out the amazing way my hair curled.

speaking of hair, today is kyle’s birthday.  he is celebrating with a new mustache.

i think everyone should always pose for pictures as if they have a mustache on their face.

p.s. here are the bridesmaid dresses-

creepy roommate

i make my friend give me her old birth control pill container things. then i write kyle love notes on them. it doesn’t even creep him out, but maybe that’s because i’ve only left two of them laying around our apartment so far.

anyhow, the sun is starting to turn my face into a big freckle. and as you can see, i’m so tired that the bags under eyes are starting to look like nutz.

soooo goodnight!

isn’t that what helen keller had?

free magic show

today i was sitting with one of the girls in my class waiting for her mom to pick her up. we were sitting against the wall in the hallway when she noticed a popcorn kernel on the floor and picked it up. she told me she was going to do a magic trick with it. she decided she would make it disappear, and then started rubbing the popcorn kernel between her hands. i could tell by the look on her face that she was trying to think of a way to actually be able to make it disappear. she then brought the popcorn kernel up to her face and started rubbing it on her face with her hands.

then the magic happened! it had disappeared! it was no longer in her hands, nor had it fallen to the floor… but immediately following her magic trick, i noticed that she had a very frightened look on her face. i knew then what had happened, she had jammed that kernel right up her nose! before i could even say anything, she quickly put her finger up her nostril and frantically tried to get it out. at this time i was both worried and laughing hysterically. i managed to blurt out that putting her finger up the nostril was only making it worse. i then told her to just keep blowing out of her nose. a few blows later, the kernel was blown out, a long with a bunch of snot.

earlier in the school day, one of the boys was teasing another boy for playing with girl toys. i called the boy who was teasing the other boy over by me and explained to him how boys and girls can play with whatever toys they want and all that stuff. one of the other boys in my class was backing me up and saying that it doesn’t matter if boys played with girl toys. then he went on to explain that there is a word for boys who play with girl toys… i should have stopped him right there, but here is what he said, “boys who play with girl’s toys are called ‘faggots’”

he said it in a very innocent way, as if that was the real dictionary definition, but still… i couldn’t believe i had just heard a little kid say that. i then had to explain to them why it was not okay to say that word. unless they were talking about my friend phil.

i didn’t really say that last part, but i’m just trying to keep my reader on his toes.

pretty much.

today while the kids in my class were reading and working on homework, i was looking at pictures on pitchfork.  one of the girls was looking over my shoulder and asked, “are you looking at uglywhitepeople.com or something??”

which reminds me, here is the uglywhitepeople festival lineup so far-

Saturday, July 19:

Animal Collective
* Jarvis Cocker *
!!!
Vampire Weekend
Dizzee Rascal
Fleet Foxes
No Age
* Jay Reatard *
* King Khan & His Shrines *
Atlas Sound
* The Ruby Suns *
* A Hawk and a Hacksaw *
* Occidental Brothers Dance Band International *
+ many more!

Sunday, July 20:

* Dinosaur Jr. *
Spiritualized
M. Ward
* Ghostface and Raekwon *
* The Apples in Stereo *
Boris
* Dirty Projectors *
* Cut Copy *
Extra Golden
El Guincho
* Fuck Buttons *
+ many more!

i really am having a hard time deciding if i wanna go or not.

i have ringworm

phil sent me this.  i wonder if the actual movie is as good as the outtakes.

boy bands.

the highlights of my week were seeing jeffrey who is visiting from alaska, going to the dirty projectors show, hanging out with kyle for hours, and my kids and i having an ice cream party yesterday at the school.

i told phil about how last weekend when i was joking around and arguing with erica, she told me to “dyke off”.  now i have a feeling that this new way to tell lesbians to fuck off is going to sweep the nation.

here is a picture that cracks me up-

phil is forming a boy band.  i told him that my girl band, 5 cute girlz, would go on tour with his band.  we’ve been around for years now and haven’t had any success at all.  we fight a lot.  anyhow, i asked phil what his band was called and he said they were named nyce mommeez.  so i decided to change my band name to stinkzlikemother, which i actually stole from my sister jacie.  that was the indian name she made up for herself when she was really young and crazy about the movie dances with wolves.

phil already fucked up my new band name by calling us mothersmellsbad.

il tandre neu’s music video!

it’s an awesome song and now it has this nice music video to go a long with it.

watch it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

have you ever been in love?

It was very upsetting. I had to leave his bones by the highway. All I have left is his femur and I made a flute out of that. I blow on it from time to time.

-Jerri Blank

and here is the lady who inspired jerri blank-

from wikipedia-

Florence “Florrie” Fisher (?-?) was a motivational speaker in the 1960s and 1970s who traveled to high schools in the United States, speaking about her past as a heroin addict and prostitute.

i watched a video of her speaking on youtube. in her words, she used to “snort horse”

so i’ve revised her wikipedia info -

Florence “Florrie” Fisher (?-?) was a motivational speaker in the 1960s and 1970s who traveled to high schools in the United States, speaking about her past as a horse snorter and prostitute.

well, i guess i should go to sleep now.